Marriage - a complicated issue!

 

I am fortunate. I am married to my best friend. My soul mate. My other half. And we firmly believe that God led us to each other early on. Too many ‘coincidences’ allowed us to meet and then to date. Thirty-five years later, we’re still very much in love and still growing together. It hasn’t always been perfect – far from it – but it’s been real. Truly in good times and in bad. Our course book notes that “...true friendship between the spouses is central – if it exists, the relationship can weather many a storm; if it is missing, there is a void that belies the external bonds between them.”* So how do people learn if they are truly friends before marriage? And if they can, will this help stop the flood of marriages that eventually end in divorce? Because the storms in life will come. One of my favorite movies is Fiddler on the Roof. There is a very appropriate song in it – Do you love me? Watch it here on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_y9F5St4j0 The marriage between Tevye and Golde was a pre-arranged match, but they learned to love each other. Most Americans would frown on having a pre-arranged match - I certainly would have – but the song asks a very important question that should be answered: Do you love me? How would you answer that for yourself??

Sadly, there are some marriages that simply should not continue. My daughter was the victim of abuse and ran from a marriage to protect herself and her baby. That reason for divorce was not mentioned in the Bible, but I’m fairly certain Jesus loves her then and now and understands. Many well-meaning Christians thought she should stay in this abusive relationship at all costs. My biological father walked out on my mother before I was born. The divorce was no problem, but her later marriage to the wonderful man who became my Dad was filled with issues: My mother was banned from receiving Sacraments and she was looked down upon by others in her church community. She was called an adulterer by my high school religion teachers – a word a vehemently denied. Later, the pope gave his blessing to have the first marriage annulled and my mother was free to participate once again in the Mass. And in some odd way, I felt like I suddenly became illegitimate.

Marriage, commitment, friendship, sacrament. And we see that with anything involving people – very complicated indeed!

 *Photo: The Wedding of the Virgin from http://www.catholictradition.org/Galleries/stained-glass31.jpg

Cooke, Bernard and Macy, Gary. Christian Symbol and Ritual: An Introduction. New York: Oxford University Press, 2005. Print.