Lawyer’s Blog
Week
13
What
first caught my eye in this week’s reading was the terminology consisting of
matrimony. As someone whose never been married, I nevertheless have a high
degree of respect and admiration for the relational concept of marriage. I
would like to think I am like most people when failing to view matrimony as a
sacrament. I personally prefer to think of marriage in the way it is mentioned
in the Christian Bible. I imagine it is somewhat okay to stress matrimony as
the religious sacramental rite; but, I tend to think far greater emphasis
should be placed on the more deepened description of matrimony as the ultimate
merging of two human beings (man and woman only). Failure to stress this lack
of biblical definition and instead be more inclined to be focused on the
ceremonial aspect of the matrimonial event, seems to compel persons to enter
into the circumstances of marriage without knowing the gravity and
meaningfulness of the decision to marry within the scope of God’s divine
definition. I am well aware of the normality of couples growing together and
gradually becoming better intertwined during the course of their marital relations.
Unfortunately, the lack of couples’ familiarity with the biblical and spiritual
meaningfulness of marriage prior to entering into holy matrimony has in my
opinion become one of the most common reasons for divorce representing the
failure of a marriage.
What I find disappointing about the discussion
of matrimony in the SACROSANCTUM CONCILIUM is the failure to
mention what stance the Church has taken to ensure pre-marriage counseling.
There should be some dedicated commitment on the part of all congregational
leadership to firmly stress the biblical and spiritual significance of to those
engaged to enter into holy matrimony; rather than solely stress the ceremonial
dimension of marriage. In my possible ignorance of the subject, I could be
wrong to be critical of Christianity in this regard. If this is so, I encourage anyone to correct me.
Lawyer,
ReplyDeleteThanks for you post. I got the sense from reading Sacrosanctum Concilium that the narrow focus on the ceremonial or liturgical dimensions of marriage as a sacrament is in keeping the the general focus of the document, which I have read as more of an outline for liturgical reform in this case with respect to the sacramental liturgies. Having been married not too long ago, I can attest to having had to engage in a relatively extensive marriage preparation process.
I don't know if the extent of the process is comparable for others getting married in the church, but I can say that it is certainly distinct from what many of my friends have since experience who have married outside the church. From pre-marriage counselling, to compatability testing and evaluation, to the engagement waiting period after requesting the sacrament (in my case 6 were required) the obstacles to a hasty marriage helped my spouse and I deepen our friendship, which is at the heart of the meaning of Christian marriage according Cooke and Macy.
I certainly feel you on your concern about couples' lack of familiarity with church traditions and interpretations of the meaning of marriage. I also sense that there is a growing gap in the availability of marriage among the poor. There are increasing social pressures to put off marriage for those who are young or who can not afford the cost of a "traditional" wedding. My wife assists at wedding liturgies in our parish and reports to me that many weddings cost upwards of $50K from the church to the costumes to the dinners, etc. It is difficult for me to imagine how or why anyone would choose to spend even 1/5th of that on a wedding. While certain parishes certainly can help finance their other ministries through wedding fees, it seems that making sacraments available and accessible ought to be a higher priority. For the church to remain relevant on the subject of marriage one of many challenges will be to promote marriage in the church as a sacrament, while working to mitigate or counteract the conspicuous consumption that characterizes the modern wedding-industrial complex.
Salzman and Lawler have written provokatively about Christian Marriage in their book, "The Sexual Person." A related interest of theirs is the increase in cohabitation which precedes marriage. Cooke and Macy also note that the ritual of Christian marriage is a relatively late arrival (medieval period). It may be possible to expand the sacramental understanding of marriage from the wedding event to the process which precedes and follows it. I wonder if a "process" approach to this sacrament might be seen as inviting by the many, mostly young, folks who are as yet unmarried, but might consider it as a possibility. Obviously still a lot to flesh our here.
(I thought I posted this last night, but somehow it did not go through).
-Joe